Bad relationship with mother
In this article we are going to explore the root causes that lead to arguing between a mother and her children, and ultimately a bad relationship with the mother. Most children have a strained childhood due to unhealthy and toxic relationships with their parents.
Children usually end up calling these stressed-out relationships “Mommy issues.” As cringe it sounds, these mommy issues can really put your child’s mental health at risk.
Though a mother is an important figure in a child’s life and is responsible for emotional attachment and throughout life support. But if the same mother becomes toxic and crosses personal boundaries and space of the children the issue becomes very serious.
If your mother abused you, or she couldn’t provide the emotional support which you needed as a child, then it can degrade your personality. The results of such brought-up also interferes with the adult life of the child.
Bad relationship with mother effects
A Bad relationship with your mother eventually yields results, and these results are not positive. The negative effects which toxic controlling mothers cast on their children are:
- Children of such mothers expect their partners to fulfil unrealistic care goals, and they seek negative emotional support from their partners which they cannot provide.
- They cannot be vulnerable, and such children have trust issues more than anyone else.
- Always seeking extra love and attention from their partners and the people surrounding them.
- Bipolar personality; always showing swift changes in moods.
- Always being cold feet when it comes to commitments regarding relationships.
- Always seeking approval from their mothers while making decisions.
- Running away from responsibilities, and facing anxiety frequently.
- Having bad sex life, and feeling discomfort being intimate
- Being extremely sensitive when someone criticizes them.
- Not having the concept of personal space and relationship boundaries and limits.
- A rare habit of dating people with similar kinds of traumas having the perception they understand them better.
Bad relationship mother and daughter
The following section is based on a mother-child model that was developed by a counselor who structured this model after 20 years of her experience. Moreover, we will also discover how a mother can build strong and bonding relationships with her children.
Most common thing that mothers and daughters explain to most counselors, that they feel ashamed to go out and seek therapy. It is embarrassing for them as society keeps on telling them that mothers and daughters should always go along. Like it’s some kind of natural force that binds them and they should always be close.
Another common factor that we come across when it comes to mother daughter conflicts as dynamic societal pressure contributes to a lot of tension among mother and daughters.
Most of the time ‘hormones’ are also blamed for the coercion. Teenage daughters, pregnant daughters or mothers facing their menopause usually throw their tantrums on hormones.
According to the counselors, neither hormones or personality traits are responsible for mother and daughter fights, but societal pressure is a major contributor towards mother-daughter conflicts.
Our society shapes up our mother and eventually their daughters. As society wants to fit the women in unrealistic family goals, the resulting pressure leads to tension in the bond. Undefined gender roles, daughter seeking for career goals while her mother pushing her to be a caregiver to all of the family.
The ‘generation gap’ is also a major cause of misinterpretations and unneeded expectations. The mothers have to realize in this regard that they are nurturing new youth and they cannot make them as you have to prepare them for the new world, and not the previous one.
How do I deal with a bad relationship with my mom?
Sons and daughters face several issues while growing up with toxic mothers and so their mental health is at risk. Such children have very strained personalities as they grow into adults.
These effects appear in your personality mainly because unhealthy relationships and toxic people do not respect your limits and boundaries. Such relationships demand excessively, and sometimes these demands are unrealistic. Such toxic people always keep comparing you with others, and will criticize you. Now how to deal with it?
It’s hard to get rid of toxic effects resulting from toxic relationships, but you can begin to diminish those effects by talking about them in your therapy sessions. Therapy with a professional is kickstart in all mental health issues
Talk about it:
Therapy aids you a lot while dealing with stress and unhealthy relationships, but talking to a loved one, and sharing your thoughts and feelings with them is also a big aid. Friends are best listeners and they can console you in the best possible way as they know you inside out.
Limit your boundaries:
As you grow, it is essential to make people understand about your boundaries and setting them up in the first place. Setting boundaries explains to others, in which zone and behavior you are comfortable.
Setting boundaries means not involving your mother in every single matter, nor sharing every single aspect of your life, and not depending on her for your life decisions.
Know what is toxicity:
If you are one of those people who fail to understand why they and their mother continuously fight, then this is mainly because you cannot understand what actually you are fighting for.
Understanding the causes, and looking for its solution can really help with bad relationships with mothers.
Let it go:
There are certain times when you have to let go of your favorite things, let’s say your favorite dress. In the same manner you have to let go of the negative feelings too. Letting go will not mean that you are cutting off with your mother, instead it means that you throw all the past behind you, and you are ready to embrace the future with open arms.
What happens when you have a bad relationship with mom?
When you develop a bad relationship with your mother, your personality begins to affect you from your very childhood. Controlling behavior, blame games, excessive demands are all the signs of a toxic parent.
A toxic parent will never let you develop a confident and bold personality. Individuals with toxic mothers often have shy and introverted personalities. They do not feel confident about themselves and they continuously need an affirmation from their mother regarding their life decisions.
Such people also perform badly in their romantic relationships. They do not feel that their partner is enough for their emotional support, and they also need their mother to lean on.
What is an unhealthy mother daughter relationship?
Unhealthy mother daughter relationships can cause bad connection with yourself, poor self-confidence, and excessive self-criticism. One of the other consequences of bad relationships include finding it hard to maintain the right emotional and mental distance from other relationships. Toxic relationships are responsible for anxiety, depression, poor performance in several life domains, facing hard times while connecting with others, and trust issues.
How do you tell if you have a bad relationship with your mother?
If you notice these characteristics in your mother, then she probably being toxic and using you for her emotional wholeness:
- Depending on you to fulfil her every need and make her happy
- Not letting you to be independent
- Interfering and taking every single decision of your life
- Criticizing you for not being good enough
- Interfering in your marital relationships
- Crossing your personal space
- Invading your boundaries
- Pushing or or forcing you to do things which she thinks are okay for you.