Codependent mother and son relationship
To understand the concept of codependency, we have to go back to the chemistry terms where we study codependency about several factors. For example, alcohol drinking and abusive personalities are codependent. As we grew up, the specific term “Codependent” became familiar to several fields, including relationships. So let’s learn about the codependent mother and son relationship.
To study this relationship, we first have to know about “What is a codependent parent?” Well, a codependent parent is like a control freak. Such a person interferes in the child’s life extremely due to over-emotional attachment with his children.
Well, there are several types of codependences in such relationships. For example, a mother may depend on his daughter or son for his physical well-being. A codependent mother may rely on her son or daughter for her finances etc.
Most of the time, a codependent mother does not realize if the dependency is healthy or not. He thinks that his codependency is actually a sign of a healthy and well-knitted family. But, she may not realize that he is overstepping in her child’s life, calling for unresolved problems.
Growing up with a codependent mother
If you are a single mother and dependent on your children for several things, you need to read this. When one person is in a codependent relationship, you believe your “self” depends on someone else and that someone is your child or children.
A codependent mother may try to control their child’s life in certain ways and negatively influence her children. Following are the ways through which a codependent mother can affect a child’s life:
- Involvement more than normal: Most of the time, when children are hurting, parents try to control them and attempt to interfere in their child’s life. This control may not be normal, and the parent may think that by getting involved in the child’s life, they are dealing with the situation while they are not.
- Extra Caretaking: Parents often find themselves in a situation where they cannot let go when there is the time to let go. For example, when a child is eight years of age, they should be wearing clothes of their preference, but their parents are doing that.
- Taking over-responsibility: Most of the time, parents believe that they are responsible for what their child is feeling or facing some hard situation in their lives. So, you can see that codependency is not only harmful to the children but is also toxic for the parents.
- Playing with the child’s mind: A codependent mother may often trick her children intentionally or unintentionally. She plays with their child’s senses, indirectly forcing them to do what you want them to do.
How to deal with a codependent mother?
As codependency is like an addiction, both parties need to understand it, and it can be different from anyone. Therefore, before dealing with codependency, it is important to learn whether you are dealing with a codependent parent or not.
Signs of a codependent parent:
- Mental and emotional abuse, including blackmailing and emotional dependency.
- Passive or aggressive personality due to lack of control.
- Getting way too emotional even in a logical argument.
- Behaving as a victim while not being the one.
- Forcing the children to do what the parents want.
- Overmixing sympathy with pity.
- Playing the silent game to get things done.
How to deal with it?
- Always seek the help of a professional or an expert when it comes to mental health and have done codependent relationships.
- Try to have open communication with your parents but also be respectful to them. Most of the time, parents bash their children while they open up about their feelings, which is why the codependency chain is necessary to break up.
- Explain to them situations where they are over-emotional or passive-aggressive, whereas the problem can be handled logically.
- Make them learn the concept of “boundaries”, and explain to them where they are overstepping, without making them mad.
- Always have a forgiving nature if anyone crosses the boundary to have a healthy bonding and relationship.
Effects of codependent parent
People often confuse codependent parents with selfish ones. But there are differences, and a codependent parent has empathy towards their children while the narcissist does not have any compassion or love towards their children. Some of the impacts that codependent parents cast on their children are:
- Is it really for the child’s benefit? Sometimes a codependent parent forces a child to do something like choosing a subject or opting for a sport just because they like it too much. Now, they veil their liking towards the matter by saying that it’s for your benefit.
- I am number one behavior: A codependent parent does not like to be criticized, and as a result, he always hates when someone tries to tell him when he is wrong. A child can never express his feelings and opinions with a codependent parent because he knows that the parent will never consider them and will always force his ideas.
- Are you really understanding the children’s needs? Codependent parents often confuse their own needs with their child needs which means that they are ignoring them. Such parents do not pay heed to their child’s needs, and if their child expresses their needs to them, they often face emotional and physical abuse.
- The mentality of being a victim: Codependent parents never believe that they are sick or need treatment, but they always play blame-game for their problems and issues. They tell their situations to the children to gain sympathy. Such parents act like they need pampering and parenting from their children for their own wrong decisions.
- They make it all about them: Most of the children, when opening up about their feelings and situations to their parents, make it all about themselves. Instead of understanding and patting their children on the back, they often begin to brag about their own situations.
Codependent parent child relationship
Parents who are codependent on their children are usually confused about their emotions and well-being. They cannot differentiate what keeps them sane, and in that process, they start to overstep in their child’s lives. For example, a codependent parent keeps on switching multiple modes of their personality, and they shift from being too loving to being too angry.
They cannot cope up with their emotions and cannot manage their stress. Codependent parents can manipulate their children psychologically, and they can make them do things they want, while their children may not like it.
8 signs you may have a codependent parent
There is a fine line between caring and overstepping, and codependent parents usually fail to differentiate between those lines. Most commonly, codependent relationships are among the boyfriends and husbands, but parent-child relationships are one of the most chaotic types of codependent relationships. Following are the sign if you live with a codependent parent:
- The parent plays the blame game.
- Always acting like a victim.
- Have mood swings and different personalities at different places.
- Rely on their children for their emotional well-being.
- Always behaving like they are right.
- Emotional blackmailing.
- He fails to listen and forces you to do things the way he likes.
- Use words and phrases to highlight certain events and situations.
Dealing with codependent parents
Most parents develop a toxic relationship with their children, and that is “codependency”. Codependent parents expect their children to behave in a certain way and what they think is right. This type of relationship can be harmful to children both physically and mentally.
Most of the time, parents develop this relationship because of their past traumas and experience. Thus, they expect their children to be devoting pupils while they are not. Similarly, they also hope their children to love them in a certain manner, and their children may not have the capacity to do that.
How to deal with your codependent parents?
- Tell them to practice self-care and self-love. Explain to them how they don’t need any person to be happy and enough for themselves.
- Teach them that it is not okay to overstep in every situation where I need independence. For that, make them learn the concept of letting go.
- Respectfully explain to your parents that they cannot be in control of everything for their whole lives. There is a certain period to retire from everything, even if it includes caring for your children in a specific way.
- Tell them that it is not always going to be a blame game. Explain to your parents about the generation gap and things they need to understand according to the modern-day requirements.
- Codependent parents may ignore other relationships while being consumed in too much caring. Make them learn the art of self-love and “me-time”.