Difficult Sister Relationships
Out of all the bonds we share, one of the most important is the mutually shared bond among the sisters. You begin to connect with your sister from birth, and the love you share grows with each passing day. But, unfortunately not every sister is blessed with a loving, caring, and affectionate sister. This is when a difficult sister relationship arises.
If your sister is jealous, or mean to you, then your bond is not that strong, and it is also possible that you may have no bond with her at all. Maybe something happened between you two in childhood, and that hatred grew into this envy.
Though some complicated sister relationships begin in childhood, others may have developed challenges and problems later in life. It does not matter the underlying reason, but you always feel a heavy heart when some tragedy happens with your sister, and you do not contact her because you are not on good terms.
Toxic relationship older sister
Elder sisters may face jealousy and overwhelming behavior from their elder sisters, and there can be multiple reasons behind this. However, the main culprit or criminal behind making the elder sister toxic is the sister’s family.
We acknowledge this in many families that parents treat their elder children with more love and gratitude. But, unfortunately, in this race, they end up giving more love and attention to their younger children while ignoring their elder children.
Each parent has this perception that each of their offspring is different. Therefore, other individuals need different types of love and attention. However, parents have no bad or negative intentions about this gap of attention. But, the older children may end up having this feeling that their parents do not love them.
As a result, the older children or, in our case, the older sister gets frustrated, and they have to take out their frustration somewhere. Hence, who is the better person to torture than the one hurting you in the first place? Yes! Precisely and that’s what the elder sister does.
What are the signs of a toxic sister?
Most of the time, we do not want to visit our family for get-togethers because our siblings make us feel like shit? If you have toxic siblings, then you can end up having a significant portion of your life mentally drained, and you should not let that happen.
There are maybe people that you love in the true sense, but you cannot also be comfortable with them in the presence of toxic siblings. If you struggle to put a label on your toxic brother or sister, check for the following signs. If any of these are present in them, then you are struggling with a poisonous sibling:
- Nothing is ever wrong with them. In short, a toxic sister or sibling will pressure you to believe that whatever they are saying, even if it’s terrible, is correct. They take any kind of question from you as a challenge and try to prove you wrong.
- They always take your deserving credit. Thin trait develops in a toxic sister from childhood. When you were little, your elder sister got all the appreciation while you did all the cleaning. On the other hand, now you are an adult. Still, she is getting credit for every single thing you do.
- They choose their favourites from the siblings. To make you feel low about yourself, toxic sisters pick their favorite siblings. They are very expressive about their favoritism even though it is making you uncomfortable.
- They love to control. They always mold you into the situation which they prefer. For example, if you plan a family gathering, and if it is not according to their preference or inconvenient, they won’t let it happen.
- They are the gods of manipulation. They always manipulate you to do things for them, while they never help you out. You will always end up taking care of the parents, babysitting their kids, making financial aid, and listening to them in times of trouble. But, they won’t help you when you need them.
How do you deal with a difficult sister?
Complicated sister relationships and having a toxic sister are unfortunate, and dealing with these bonds is even more difficult. It is usual for siblings to argue with each other, but what to do if you are having a relationship that is just an argument, or there is no relationship at all?
These five ways will help you to deal with your toxic sister or siblings altogether:
- Learn to love yourself. If you practice self-love, then even your toxic sister won’t be able to tear you down by her toxicity. Whenever you observe negative behavior from your sister, try practicing self-love. In this way, you won’t have to be dependent on someone else to feel loved.
- Communicate. Sit down with your siblings, and have a one-on-one talk with them. It is also probable that your siblings are unaware that their actions are toxic or make you feel uncomfortable. If you communicate with your sibling about each activity that makes you feel negative, it will make you feel light. You have to address each issue with your sibling and settle things out.
- If you cannot change, just accept. If you cannot transform your toxic sister into a kind human being, just accept her the way she is. Pick your battles when you expect her to be contaminated. You will not be mad at yourself.
- Contact a counsellor. Anxiety, mental depression, and an unhealthy mind are all real things and can lead to an uncomfortable life. If your toxic sister is making you feel uncomfortable, her behaviour makes you feel anxious and low about yourself. Then, it is the right time for you to seek medical help from a professional counsellor and therapist. You don’t even need your toxic sister, you can explain the relationship the way it is to your therapist, and they will help you accordingly.
- Limit your energy. Do not drain yourself from making your toxic siblings happy. Understandably, family is the most important thing one can have, and therefore you have to show up in times of trouble. But if you are the only one who is helping in the household, making bails and financial aids, and listening to the chants of your toxic sister’s day, then you have to stop it. If they don’t show up, there is no need for you to show up as well.
What is a toxic sister relationship?
When you feel anxious and uncomfortable in the presence of your sister, then you are undoubtedly having an unhealthy and toxic relationship with her.
Such toxic relationships usually end up in estrangement. It is a complicated sensation to walk away and cut yourself off. Difficult sister relationships happen due to jealousy, ill talk, talking wrong about each other in front of others, cruel and mean activities.
Why do sisters fight as adults?
The reason why sisters fight with each other even when they are grown-ups and adults is mainly due to the “Parent’s preferences.” Parent’s favoritism is the primary cause of conflicts among the sisters.
Parents assume that they are dealing with their children with their specific needs, but they don’t know that even unintentionally, they give more preference to one child over the other.
It can happen as one sister gets admission to a better university while the younger one can’t. Jealousy develops hence creating tension between the adult sisters.
How do you fix a relationship with a sibling?
To fix a relationship with a sibling, you have to:
- Communicate with them about your issues and try to get on common ground.
- If you cannot change them, you can have peace with whoever they are and not blame yourself for the things they say and do to you.
- Try to seek professional help from counsellors and therapists.
- Do not drain yourself in making others happy. Indulge in self-love to be satisfied.
Is it wrong to not like your sister?
It is not wrong! It is entirely okay if you do not share an affectionate bond with your sister. Unfortunately, we are not lucky enough to have a sister who is more like a friend. But there is nothing wrong with it if you don’t prefer to go to your sister when you feel low or want to have financial aid.
How do I ignore my sister forever?
- Deal with them, talk to them and get to a point.
- Tal out what is bothering you, and conclude.
- Begin with the more minor problems, and then move forward towards more significant issues and resolve them.
- Communicate that you both have to compromise on certain things, and you cannot get whatever you want.