How To Deal With Spouse Past Relationship

How To Deal With Spouse Past Relationship Updated 2022

How To Deal With Spouse Past Relationship

A person needs to leave his past behind if he wants to live a happy and prosperous life. One most common advice that we hear in almost every turning event of our lives but it radiates its significance when it comes to relationships.

Everyone has a past. But it is undoubtedly not necessary to look into something that has been gone already.

How to deal with husband’s past relationship

Women are usually more likely to be haunted by their husband’s past. Most of them know that it is entirely irrational to think this way, but they can’t help it.

This overthinking leads them to feel unwanted and unattractive than the women from their husband’s past. Most of the time, little moments trigger them to think this way.

These moments are usually some vacations, scenes, or scenarios from their husband’s past.

Ruining your present over the past is not something appreciable. Maybe this insecurity will destroy the current relationship, so it is essential to get over those events that have happened and have nothing to do with their current situation.

Women should try to focus on the love and affection given to them by their husbands. They must get this thing that if the women from the past were so important, they would not be here. They need to build trust in their relationship because it will help them think positively and strengthen the relationship.

How To Deal With Spouse Past Relationship

How to overcome retroactive jealousy

Retroactive jealousy is a syndrome commonly known for those women who can’t get over their husband’s past. Perhaps they think that they might not be that special for their husband as the women their husband has had in the past.


Retroactive jealousy usually occurs because of a solidified thought habit.

It usually results in anxiety as the intrusive thoughts are enhanced, and physical feelings get intensified, which affects mental health and physical health.

How it affects mental health

We all know that anxiety can lead to depression, which can worsen when it synchronizes with devastating physical changes.

An anxious mind focuses on adverse events only. Women are usually more prone to the idea of looking good and attractive as compared to men. But these events can affect them very intensely.

It can lead to

  1. -low self-esteem
  2. -depression
  3. -compromised physical health
  4. -laziness
  5. -loss of motivation
  6. -dizziness
  7. -stomachaches
  8. -muscle tension
  9. -chest pressure

How it affects physical health

  1. Anxiety can cause
  2. -headaches
  3. -muscle tension
  4. -insomnia
  5. -depression
  6. -social isolation
  7. -loss of appetite
  8. -increased heartbeat
  9. -respiratory issues
  10. -affects immunity etc

All these events combined with other effects create a negative impact on physical health.

How to overcome this problem

It is necessary to overcome this feeling and only do it by focusing on the positive aspects of their relationship.

They should try to negotiate with their husband when they feel this way because it’s better to let it out rather than overthinking something that does not even exist.

Retroactive therapy

Some recommendations include


Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

For treating retroactive jealousy.


It deals with current issues rather than focusing on the issues from the past. Focusing on your present problems and trying to solve them is the best way to get out of a disturbing situation rather than digging out the ones which have already passed, and there is nothing that you can do about it.

So it is recommended to move on and let go of the pain held tightly as releasing it will only help set peace.

Four ways to accept your partner’s past

Not only women but also men get insecure when it comes to their partner’s past.

But it is incredibly foolish to repeat the same events that have happened. It is similar to making that person go through the same dreadful events that he or she had faced.

It is essential to accept your partner’s past for a healthy relationship. Following are the ways which can help you:

Talk it out

It is necessary to talk about how one feels; otherwise, keeping it inside will cause disastrous effects, not only to the relationship but also to one’s mental health.

Put yourself in their position

Try to understand the pain that your partner has gone through. Putting yourself in their position will help you understand their situation better.

Validate the feelings

Validation not only helps in reducing the insecurity but also strengthens the bond between each other.

Talk to a counselor

Sometimes it is better to take professional advice. Talking to a counselor helps you in many ways to help you get over your partner’s past.

Most importantly, the people going through this should try to put themselves at peace. It is essential for their efficacy. A peaceful mind is far more effective than an anxious mind. It will not only help to make the right decisions but also strengthen the overall personality.

My husband can’t get over my past.

Some women complain that their husbands can not get over their past. It is challenging for them to withstand them, and yet it creates differences among them.

Men usually are dominant. They take it as a disgrace that their current partner had shared some affiliations with someone else. So here is the question, what should you do in such a situation?

  1. -try to talk to each other and try to find a solution to your problems
  2. -try to mend it with affection rather than a confrontation
  3. – do not blame your partner for having a relationship in the past, everyone has a past, and one should accept this fact
  4. – be respectful towards your partner
  5. -do not dig out the events that have happened before, as it will only cause pain to the one who has suffered
  6. -assure them that you will always be there for them in every circumstance
  7. -value each others’ opinions
  8. -help each other through thick and thin as it helps to strengthen the bond
  9. -never act silently when you sense some disturbing events, talk it out, and try to sort it out for each other
  10. -put yourself in their position
  11.  -little efforts create significant differences. Try to put your efforts into your relationship to make it work for each other
  12. -if doing your best is still not showing any betterment, then it’s wise to separate your ways

How To Deal With Spouse Past Relationship

Should you care about your partner’s past

One should only care about the hard times that one’s partner had to go through in their past; otherwise, there is no reason that one should be worried. Try to learn those things that compelled your partner to get out of that relationship. Help your partner to let go of the traumatic events that had happened in the past.

It is very challenging to love someone who’s already broken heart, but it will always belong to you once you mend it. Try to be a home for each other provided with love, care, respect, and affection. Problems themselves are not challenging. The actual challenge is the way of dealing with them. Try to avoid those flaws and work on each other for a healthy and prosperous future.

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