How to Love Yourself in a Relationship? Updated 2022

How to Love Yourself in a Relationship?

You must be thinking when you are in a relationship; all you should think about is your partner. But that mindset is wrong! If you are unable to love yourself and cannot overcome your insecurities, you cannot love another person. So how to love yourself in a relationship?

There is a strong connection between self-esteem and your relationship. How? If you have low self-esteem, it will affect your behavior and attitude, and that will reflect on your relationship.

Not loving yourself means you don’t like the way you are, and that thinking makes you highly damaging. With this negativity, you start to doubt every other thing. Think of a person that is always saying negative things about everything and is not comfortable with reality! Yep, no one wants to stay with such a person.

In contrast, you will love the person who is just comfortable with himself, confident and does not doubt his decisions.

How to love yourself before getting into a relationship?

If you cannot love yourself entirely, how can you expect that you are ready to invest your energy and time with someone else? If you are not confident about yourself and are pessimistic about every other thing about yourself. It is high time that you should start to invest in yourself emotionally.

Loving yourself is not easy, and it is a process. You can’t expect this thing to happen overnight. It’s not money or fame which you can achieve. Being confident in yourself is your lifestyle statement.

Similar to any other relationship, your relationship also cannot be the same throughout. It will face the ups and downs as you age and change. It will also be affected by the circumstances and different people that you allow into your life.

However, loving yourself is essential before getting into a relationship. Loving yourself is a part of self-love and self-care. It is not just one thing; it includes everything; what you wear, what you eat, whatever you love, and what kind of people you allow yourself in your life. It is a continuous process, and the best part is no one is perfect at this. You have to a better version of yourself with every passing day.

There are several benefits when you practice self-love:

  1. You are less judgy about yourself and hence about others too.
  2. You are less affected by what is happening around you, and what matters the most is what is happening inside you.
  3. Your attitude shifts from being anxious and fearful towards inspiring and motivating.
  4. You become more forgiving and start to get kind to yourself and others.

If you think that you are working on these categories, only then can you think about progressing in a relationship.

How to love yourself in a relationship

How to love yourself without a relationship

Ever heard of the quote from Rumi? It goes like this:

“You do not have to strive for the perfect love; instead, you first need to overcome all the barriers that you have built against love.” People often become so consumed by the thought that they have to be in a relationship before a certain age or period. But, in the process, they usually forget that they are the first who need love.

Many of us may not have the best experience regarding love. If you grew up in a patriarchal family, you would understand what I am talking about. The thing is, if you are a damaged person, how can you love someone if you, let alone don’t love yourself.

So before committing yourself to any person, you must understand the importance of how to love yourself first!

  1. Always be kind towards yourself: First of all, understand that no one is perfect, and every person is born with flaws, mistakes, and shortcomings. But the thing is, whatever you are, you have to accept yourself and be confident with it. We believe that we have to fit in someone else’s criteria to be loved, and that is why we are so harsh on ourselves.
  2. Always keep alive the positivity inside you: It’s not easy to maintain a balance between self-love and self-hatred. But, you have to focus on being more positive. You can achieve positivity by meditating and by doing spiritual activities like yoga etc.
  3. Give yourself some space: Understand that you are not perfect and no one is. There will be good days and as well as bad days, so you can’t be on the moon every day. We cannot cherish happiness if there is no pain. Always be content and do not set extreme standards for yourself.
  4. Be comfortable with who you are: Are you okay with yourself alone without being fearful, anxious, or judge? If not, then you must have to look within yourself and find the hidden peace somewhere in your heart. Always take out time to be with yourself and always make sure that you treat yourself well. Always be very conscious about how you feel when you are alone.

How to love yourself after a relationship?

Coming out from a toxic relationship is very hard, and the worst part is if you don’t even realize if the relationship is toxic or not. Abusive relationships make you believe that you are nothing without them and you get addicted to them.

But once you quit such relations, how can you possibly love yourself again? It’s the time of severe trauma, where you blame yourself for everything. So what to do? Practice these things:

  1. Learn the art of letting go: If you want to get completely rid of a toxic relationship, then you better master the art of “Letting go.” Believe that everyone is capable of making mistakes, and so did you. You have to see the positive side of any worsen situation. You see, what you get from a toxic relationship is moral lessons and experiences about what to do and what not to do in the future. 
  2. Learn about “YOU”: Knowing yourself back is very important when you come out from a toxic relationship. How can you do it? When you come from an abusive relationship, it is the best time to adapt to a new hobby, visit new places, travel, etc., anything that makes your heart feel full.
  3. Get your control back: Once you successfully control your emotions, you can now transfer the positivity into something productive. It can be anything, you can either go for a business, or you can initiate a new project. In a toxic relationship, you are submissive, and when you begin to take charge of the things you can control, it feels terrific.

How to love yourself after a toxic relationship?

Toxic relationships make you think that you are dependent on them, but you can see how better you perform without them once you get yourself out from those so-called attachments. 

It is evident that one forgets about himself in an abusive relationship and is consumed by his partner. So, self-care and self-love have no association with a toxic relationship. On the contrary, such relationships make you feel significantly less low-confident, and they bring out the negativity in you.

Because when you are not happy, you will channel your sadness, desires, and loneliness in the form of negativity towards others. So if you are suffering from such post relation trauma, practice these to love yourself again:

  1. Look for the poor habits that make you fall for such attachments and get rid of them.
  2. Always keep your mental and physical health on top, regardless of everyone else.
  3. Make communication your habit, and never hesitate to say something right.
  4. Try spiritual activities and meditation activities like yoga etc.
  5. Always look at your positive aspects, and always try to find the best in others.
  6. Always be patient towards yourself and achieve a forgiving nature. 

How to love yourself after a bad relationship?

To love yourself after a bad relationship is essential: to be brave and let go of the toxicity. In addition, try to incline yourself more towards positivity and ignore negativity and people who make you uncomfortable. Start investing yourself in more productive things like finding out your long-lost passion, adopting a new hobby, starting a new business venture, etc.

How do I love myself in a relationship?

While you are in a relationship, it is essential to understand that you can’t let your relationship consume you. There are two alive people involved in a relationship with different personalities, points of view, etc. You can’t fit into someone’s life. Instead, a healthy relationship is one in which there is understanding, compromises, and learning about each other’s preferences.

A relationship will never work if only one person is continuously putting effort into it. It is a two-way process, and if you realize that your other partner is not contributing and blaming you for every other thing happening in his life. Then, it is high time to realize that you are in a toxic relationship, and it is better to get rid of it as fast as you can before it becomes an addiction.

How to love yourself in a relationship

How do you fix yourself in a relationship?

Fixing yourself before getting into someone is much better, but if you are in a relationship, you realize that most of the conflicts and issues are happening. So then, you have to put in some effort towards yourself, so that you cannot just be a better partner but a good person too:

  1. Realize that things won’t always go as we plan them. We have to be compromising and understanding in such situations.
  2. If you criticize your partner, then learn the difference between healthy and destructive criticism. 
  3. You cannot always be correct, and accepting that is way more helpful than augmenting about that.
  4. Compromises are from both sides, and you can’t always expect the same person to make sacrifices for you while you are doing nothing.
  5.  It is necessary to ask about your preferences and opinions as well.


Leave a Reply