Toxic mother daughter relationship
You hate family sittings, you receive a call from your mother and you avoid it being your mom too emotional. So, you do not attend the call to avoid the manipulation. If you are reading this and can relate to the former statements, then you may be in a toxic mother daughter relationship.
There can be a whole possibility that you are living with a toxic mother though she is very mindful of you. Remember, that it is not your fault if she is abusing you or treating you in a certain way. However, you may ask them to help them and together you can explore the root causes for certain behavior to come up with better solutions.
Why is a mother toxic?
Before starting this section, we want you to remember that it’s never the victim’s fault, and no one can blame you for the behavior your mother has with you. It’s not uncommon for people to have complex family structures and environments.
Below we are going to mention the traits of a toxic mother or toxic parents. Remember, it is probable that your parents can be guilty of all the traits or a few. But a toxic mother will always exhibit the following characteristics, and sometimes an amalgam of these. So if your mother is abusive towards you, it is not you who is making her behave abusively.
A toxic parent/mother will exhibit:
- Continuous Criticism
- Playing blame games
- Never accepting her fault
- Manipulation and emotional blackmailing
- Aggression, and throwing tantrums
- Throwing frustration at you
- Codependency for emotional needs
- Constantly invading boundaries
Toxic mother daughter relationship signs
A mother is meant to be a mentor, a guide, and emotional support for her children through their thick and thin. For a child, their first best friend is their mother and no doubt most of the children do enjoy this bond with their mother.But unfortunately, many of us do not share a very healthy bond with our mothers. But if you practically hate your mother, and you don’t like her to be around you. Then, it is possible you may have a toxic mother.
Following are the clear signs that you are living with a toxic mother:
- Over Critique: Your mom may want the best for you at her heart. But if she is constantly questioning you about your career choices, your date, and the job you love. Then, she may exhibit this toxic behavior.
- Dismissive behavior: Let’s suppose you are having a hard time at your job, or even in your life. You expect your mother to be there for you to support you emotionally. But a toxic mother does not do that. Instead she ignores you and piles up her own problems in front of you.
- Looking for the reasons to fight: You are just casually talking with your mother, and soon the conversation turns into a heated argument. Conflicts and issues happen in every relationship but if you continuously fight with your mother on related topics every time. Then the situation can worsen.
- Always needing attention: It may feel significant when your mother wants to be there for you. But you cannot deal with your mother all the time. But to demand too much attention is not healthy both for the mother and the daughter. Moreover, the conversations are toxic if she does not want to hear anything from you but wants you to listen to everything about her.
Toxic dysfunctional mother daughter relationship
According to Dr. Wensmen, as females we are more connected to our mothers than to our fathers. For each and every life domain, we look up to our mothers to see and learn how she is doing, and we try to be the same person. So to conclude mothers are daughter role models.
This strong association explains how conflicts and disputes in mother-daughter relationships can lead to serious impacts on both mother and daughter lives.
Toxic mother-daughter relationships can lead to serious impacts like:
- Low self-confidence
Not only this, such relationships force the daughter to become more emotionally dependent on their mothers. That is why they find it very hard to connect with other relationships, either general or romantic.
How to heal from a toxic mother daughter relationship?
In any relationship, we have both good and bad days. The mother daughter relationship in particular is a complex one. However, not a single relationship in this world is perfect. You can make attempts, and struggle to make it better. Remember, one party cannot always be sacrificing and compromising, these things work in two-way.
You can develop healthy relationships by doing simple things. Only implementing small yet effective things into your lifestyle can change your mother-daughter relationship to a whole new level. Following are some suggestions to strengthen the bond between you and your mother:
- Always set reality-based expectations: Either it is your daughter or the mother, it is crucial to not fantasize any relationship. Your relationship should be like best friends, rather than just to tolerate each other. Now, how can you do it? By realizing other people’s issues, personality, social status etc.
- Realize mutual interests: Find out those activities which you both enjoy and love to do. Let it be manicures or shopping, the thing that matters is that these things should make you both happy. Such sittings will provide you some self-time, where you can reflect on each other.
- Realize your mutual concerns: It is essential to find out the root causes which lead to your arguments. Remember it is not necessary that you and mother should always agree on things. Communicate to each other that each person has his own point of view about life and can have different opinions.
What is a toxic mother daughter relationship?
Toxic relationship is one where the mother is unable to maintain boundaries with her daughter, and it’s hard for her to understand the concept of privacy.
In an unhealthy relationship, a mother is so obsessed with her daughter and her life that she is unable to let her daughter live her own life. Such relationships lead to dysfunctional personality disorders in the daughter.
How do I deal with a toxic mother daughter relationship?
Relax and talk patiently with your mother. Begin your conversation about the boundaries your relationship should have. It’s like a pact, any party who breaks the pact stands guilty and one can blame them for their nuisance.
The truth is your mother will probably be in an age where the mind becomes rigid, and hence it is important to realize that she cannot take too much at once. You have to talk to her in tiny bits and make her understand these things very generously.
Why do mothers treat their daughters so badly?
The main reason for a mother treating her daughter poorly is “Jealousy”. She does that because she herself did not get what she wanted in her life, and when she sees her daughter enjoying all those things, she becomes jealous.
Also another reason why mothers have unjust behavior among daughters is that she may prefer one daughter over the other. The daughter she prefers more is more likely to be similar to the mother. The daughter which has the same attitudes, personalities, and opinions connect more with her mothers than the others. So, the mother favors her more too.
How do you deal with a toxic mother?
Privacy and maintaining boundaries is essential in any relationship. However, developing boundaries with toxic and unhealthy persons is not easy because they cannot bear and respect them.
Always remember it is not you who are trying to make them behave in a certain way. You can always refuse them, tell them when you are uncomfortable, remind them it’s okay to leave or come early. It’s okay if you want to keep minimal contact with your parents.