Unhealthy Mother Son Relationship
Though the relationship between a mother and her children is very sacred, sometimes even the mother may not know about it, she can develop unhealthy mother-son relationships. These relationships eventually become so disturbing and toxic that they start to affect all relationships surrounding them. As a result, the consequences can be unamendable, and by that time, it’s too late to correct yourself.
The relationship between a mother and her son is rather complicated, as mother nature has a soft corner for the opposite gender child. As the son grows, he learns to be independent and how to be on his own, but at the same time, he also needs his mother to nurture and love her throughout his journey.
There are certain situations like where a mother can’t let go or become too overprotective, and sometimes the son fails to understand her mother’s opinions. Such conditions cause stress in these sacred relations that will lead to the destruction of the bond.
Unhealthy mom and son relationship
In an unhealthy mother-son relationship, the mother may put a strain on her son. She makes her son feel that she always needs her son to feel emotionally full and whole. In other words, she makes herself emotionally dependent on him. It may sound okay to some people, but in this way, the mother is putting her son’s and her mental health at risk.
This toxic dependency can make her son perform badly in his significant relationships, particularly those that require him to be mentally and physically there. An important example of such a relationship is marriage.
Son fails to be there for her because her mother occupies all that space. In this way, the son will eventually become distant from her wife. Her wife will also ultimately become annoyed with him. Thus, the wife will be continuously in competition with the husband’s mother.
So, such a toxic and unhealthy mother and son relationship can cause a healthy and happy marriage to end.
Types of Unhealthy mother-son relationships
Toxic relationships can cause a negative effect not only on their relations but also destroy all the relations that are connected with that particular relationship.
In the following section, we are going to explore some unhealthy and toxic mother and son relationships. We will see what they are and how they cast a negative impact on your life.
If the son’s mother is habitual of making all decisions for his life, then the son is extremely dependent on his mother. And, this type of dependence is so toxic that the son will never be able to be confident about himself or his decisions.
According to his own will or wish, such a type of guy will never have something in his life. Now suppose, the son is beginning to be in a romantic relationship with his partner, and he is still in such a healthy relationship with his mother, it will lead to nowhere.
The son will always consider his mother to be his top-most priority, and he will push back every other thing in his life. Even if the son tries to cope with his partner, he will always feel guilty that he cannot fulfill his mother’s expectations.
Over the line protection:
It’s a general type of relationship between a mother and a son, which we acknowledge daily. As a mother’s affection is too strong, and she brings up her son for a very long time, for most mothers, it is hard to let go of their sons. By letting go, we do not mean leaving them on their own but letting them have the freedom they deserve at a specific age.
Sooner or later, the children have to go out in the world, and they have to face the ups and downs of life. But, dear mum, you cannot always be there. So such mothers try to control their son’s life negatively by being too overprotective.
Though it is important to have a strong bond between a mother and his son, the intensity of that bond will have to vary with time. Of course, the mothers should be protective about their sons, but that protection also demands some limits and boundaries.
3.Substitute for her husband:
Sometimes the mother does not get the partner she expected to have. So, she uses her children to develop that emotional bond which she wanted with her husband. But, unfortunately, her husband may not be enough for the emotional support she wanted.
There can also be a possibility that the mother no longer has his husband to be on his side, the husband may be abusive, so to cope up with that, the mother may use her son in the process to obtain emotional support.
The thing is, females are always attracted to the opposite gender, and the next closest person to her husband is her son. As it may sound pitiful, and it may seem okay to take support from your son.
But, it is not okay to use your son as a substitute for your emotional support and destroy his mental health while being selfish.
What is a toxic mother son relationship?
The most important thing for a child is to realize that you are not responsible for the behavior by which your mother treats you. If you have a toxic mother, it’s not your fault. Most people have quite a complex family structure, values, and morals. That is why most parents are found to be guilty of being toxic to their children.
However, a toxic mother will particularly show one or two traits that we will mention below. And, you will realize that you are not making her abuse you, neither your behavior is bad. Instead, your mother is consciously choosing to treat you that way so that she can feel full and whole.
A toxic mother will definitely exhibit these characteristics:
- Constant blame games
- Need for continuous attention
- Controlling and over-protection
- Humiliating the children in front of others
- Denying your emotions and opinions
- Crossing your personal space
- Disrespecting boundaries
- Using you as their emotional treat
What is an unhealthy mother son relationship?
An unhealthy relationship between a mother and son is developed when the boundaries and the personal space are disturbed. The mother and son relationship is so complex that even if both or even a person knows that it is wrong, the issue becomes hard to communicate.
An unhealthy mother-son relationship can only get better if both parties start to work on their flaws and outcomes and try to be better people in the long run.
For example, when a son goes to college out of the city, her mother may expect him to call her every day. So, when she constantly calls you instead of lashing at her, you can explain to her by saying that I am here for study and I cannot be on the phone all the time, but you know I love you.
Healthy boundaries in a mother-son relationship
The perception of gender roles and the concept has changed drastically in the past years. However, some behaviors and patterns are too rigid to change and restrict themselves from being changed. Such a relationship is with a mother and her son.
As the mother’s son begins his new married journey, the role of her mother and son changes from just being one role to two positions. Now, they are mother-in-law and husband to someone. That is why this new relationship requires some dedication and change from the previous relationship.
Now, in most households, mothers, and sons usually are very close to each other. However, if the mother cannot maintain a balance between herself and her son’s spouse, they cannot survive peacefully under the same roof.
To be a good mother and a good grandmother, you can do the following things to maintain healthy boundaries:
- Do not interfere in your son’s marital affairs and resist giving unwanted advice.
- If your son’s wife brings clothes for you, wear them on special occasions to show equal respect for her as you have for your son.
- Always keep in mind that your son and her wife are parents too, and they will go through a new process of parenthood. You cannot always scold them for not being bad parents because they do not want advice from you all the time.